“You are the servant of the Servant.” In 1978 I attended a Christian retreat in a small community in Oregon. While on a prayer vigil in a tiny historical Episcopal church, at about 2:00 am, I told God I was sorry for all of my sins of my life, to include the taking the lives of others while in Viet Nam. I knew I could not be forgiven. Suddenly, He spoke to my heart and said, “are you so big I can not forgive you?” “No!” I replied. “But I have no gifts for you.” He spoke again, “you are the servant of the Servant, be glad in that.” All at once a rush of tears and pain fled my body. I felt an incredible burden lifted from my soul.
I wasn’t sure what all this meant at the time, but years later the meaning would become clear. In 1998 my priest said “I think you are called to be ordained.” I said, “No, I think I’m called to be a soldier for Christ in the trenches.” He encouraged me to investigate, and I agreed.
In the year 2000 I was ordained in the Episcopal Church as a Canon 9 priest. It was a time when finding ordained clergy to serve our church was very difficult. I spent two years in discernment and study of the “Norms” of the church before I was ordained.
The week before I was ordained I enrolled at a monastery in the mountains of Colorado. I felt a need to pray and meditate and be alone with God. At one point I was sitting outside the chapel waiting for noonday services to begin when a little blond headed monk came and sat down beside me. He asked why I was there and I told him I was going to be ordained next week and I came to pray and listen for the voice of God for my ministry. He sat quietly for a few moments then said, “Do not attempt to teach to the depths of your people out of your own shallowness.” He got up and walked away.
From that point on I knew that I needed to add a great deal of education to my ordination. I began a journey to my Masters that would encompass seven years of study, personal sacrifices, and unlimited energy. I would serve two churches simultaneously, maintain a secular job, and attend the school of theology. Here I am.
I believe my resume speaks to the rest of the story |
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